Friday, March 30, 2012

Part Two of Recovery ...

... from re-inventing self to re-inventing relationships ...

... is where the fun begins.
This is the point where the underground, the foundation, work has pretty much been accomplished.  The visible part of the construction - or rather re-construction - project is starting to go up.  The self-esteem is starting to change from extremely negative to cautiously positive.  Slowly.  Very slowly.  But still a change - a viable, almost imperceptibly visible change - in process.  While still fragile, it is there ... growing, budding, starting to set its first ever buds which will then bloom and reveal what kind of plant the recoveree is in the process of becoming.
This is the place where others began to see the change in me ... and began to respond to the changes they saw.  Again, because the visible changes happened slowly, so did the re-inventing of relationships.  Slowly.  One step at a time.
Again, as with the rest of my recovery process, the work on relationships hopped and skipped all over the map. Working at one point on my relationship with the Bear who is now my best friend - Papa Bear, my spouse of over 31 years.  Then abruptly, the focus on relationships would skip over to my long-suffering sibling, Sister Bear.  Back to Papa Bear.  Throw in the bear cubs here and there.  Along with assorted other members of the den.

Back and forth.  Interweaving relationships so that they began to form an incredibly intricate tapestry in my life.

 As I'm still working on the process of recovery, the tapestry is still in the process of becoming.  Thread by thread.  Some colours vibrant - reds, blues, golds; others muted - greys, pale yellows, soft blues; and then there are the dark ones - black, dark brown.  Harsh in their starkness.  Yet blended strategically into the weave and warp of the cloth, the contrast is striking.  The tapestry would not, could not, be complete without all of these various threads.
And with that, I leave you for another day.  To weave in the threads of your various experiences as they occur.

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