Monday, March 12, 2012

Stuck ...

I am stuck.  Not in the infamous writer's block that one would suppose; but rather stuck in my physical being where weakness prevails.  Walking even to the car becomes a major undertaking.  Needing support.  Even then moving slowly, ever so slowly, at a turtle's pace.  My extremities tremble with the effort.  The world tilts upside down on its axis. If I did not have Papa Bear's paw firmly attached mine, I would fall down in a heap on the pavement.

For hours I lie in bed.  My book beside me.  I can read for only about one minute at a time, sometimes just one paragraph.  My arms too weak to even hold the book.  My mind too scattered to comprehend the words on the page. My cat on top of me or beside me, lying close to my head, paw outstretched like a caress on my face, purring, letting me know that she is there for me.  With me.  She loves me even when I'm down for the count.

At times like this, my options are limited.  Very limited.  A shadow of my former energetic, happy self.  Yet there is always one thing that I can do.  I can pray.  Even in weakness, I can thank God for all my blessings - and there are blessings even now.  Even flat in bed, weak and trembling, there are blessings.  Here are a few:

  • Papa Bear who takes care of me and loves me even when I'm down for the count;
  • The sun that rises every morning in newness and glory;
  • A warm bed and soft covers which enfold me like a caress;
  • The purring of the cat beside me in bed;
  • The book I'm currently reading;
  • The library that provides the books;
  • Those shared times watching DVDs together when I'm able to sit up;
  • Watching a new article take shape on my needles or hook when I'm able to sit up and concentrate for a few minutes at a time;
  • Those good days when I have some energy;
  • Bright colours;
  • Plants starting to poke their heads out of the ground;
  • Robins chirping in the backyard;
  • That I wake up each morning; despite the disabilities, disconnects, etc., I am still alive to face a new day, a new challenge.
Lastly, there is hope.  Always hope.  Hope for a full recovery.  Hope for something good to come out of this period in my life.


I choose ... Hope.

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