Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Threads

As I sit at the computer thinking about restarting this blog after a six (or longer) month absence in which many things have happened, mostly challenging, my mind keeps going in tangents:  what to say?  where do I want to start? Do I go back and cover some of the incidents which occurred in the last six months?  Do I start fresh as though the last six months didn't exist - or take a toll on me?  Do people even want to know about my broken wrist? about my mother's death?  about the physical toll everything has taken on me?  and that because of that I've been virtually housebound for months?  So people want to hear about a house with only a Charlie Brown Christmas tree for decoration?  Or do people want only the positive?  The fluff?  The superficial?

Threads.

Threads going in all different directions across the landscape of my mind, of my life.  Like rabbit burrows trailing off in all directions.  Which should I follow at this time?

Oh ... the choices.

Before life got me down so badly, I was starting the thread of what turned out to be one of my last visits to my mother in her seniors' residence.  Should I follow that?  If I do, where will it lead?  To the present or back to the past?

Then there's always the ongoing thread of recovery from complex PTSD.  Which since recovery is an ongoing, 7/24 process, no days off, no holidays or vacations (depending on whether you speak - and read - Canadian English or American English).  Ongoing.  Ever changing.  Fluid.  Like a river.  Sometimes moving slowly, lazily downstream; sometimes with a strong current which sweeps everything in its path.  And then there are the times it enters into white water, where if the navigator is not careful, the boat will be capsized, everything lost. Hopefully, the occupant(s) having put on life preservers first.  But then there are no life preservers in real life.  Everyday life.

Ah, the choices.  And this is where I will stop for this, my first, posting in the new year of 2013. 

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