Monday, December 2, 2013

A Jumping Off Point: my bibliography on the road to recovery from workplace abuse

After the last several posts, so many ideas - or rabbit holes - present themselves.  Which way to go?  At this point in time?

Months earlier, I was writing the saga of Workplace Abuse situation #1 and got as far as being walked out the door.  Just as the workplace dropped me outside the door like yesterday's smelly garbage, I dropped the saga at that point.  It was too hard to think about.  To remember.  To write about.  To share.

How best to describe the eighteen months of sheer devastation, confusion and secondary wounding which followed?  Especially as I had no way of understanding what I was going through at the time I was going through it?

And how, do I describe that time, that devastation, that secondary wounding to people in such a way that they can understand it?  That they get it?

After eighteen months of pure emotional agony, I reached a crisis point.  A where the rubber meets the road point.  A point where something HAD to happen, HAD to change - or there was no point in going on.

In order to make that time period make sense, I've decided to jump ahead a bit and write down my bibliography.  These books/authors became what I call "hidden" mentors in my battle to not only survive but to recover.  To come out of the utter devastation of my life and find a way to rebuild.

Remember on this journey of emotional destruction and devastation, there are no contractors to call.  No architect to draw up plans for construction crews i.e. electricians, plumbers, bricklayers, carpenters, etc. to follow.

It's all been a trial and error process.

Sometimes I think largely error.

So today, I share with you the resources I've used in this journey.

In later blogs, I will be referring back to these resources, probably one at a time, in order to lay a foundation for the recovery process and to make more sense, by those who know, of what is involved in the journey.

Most of these resources, with the notable exception of the first two which are written by mental health professionals, are by Christian authors - some of whom are also mental health professionals.  Which makes sense since I am a Christian.  However, even if you are not a Christian, there are things which are appropro to everyone - no matter what your belief system is - or is not.

I invite you to continue following along with me in this on-going journey of discovery and recovery. 

Here is my bibliography:
  • Trust After Trauma:  A Guide to Relationships for Survivors and Those Who Love Them by Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D.
  • Invisible Heroes:  Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal by Belleruth Naparstek
  • Helping Those Who Hurt: Reaching Out to Your Friends In Need by Dr. H. Norman Wright
  • Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?: Helping (Not Hurting) Those with Serious Emotional Difficulties by Dwight L. Carlson
  •  Forgive and Forget:  Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes 
  • Healing Grace for Hurting People by Dr. H. Norman Wright and Larry Renetzky, LMFT
  • The Process of Forgiveness by William A. Meninger
  • The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso
  • A New Kind of Normal by Carol Kent 
  • When I Lay My Isaac Down: Unshakable Faith in Unthinkable Circumstances (Pilgrimage Growth Guide) by Carol Kent
  • Between a Rock and a Grace Place: Divine Surprises in the Tight Spots of Life by Carol Kent
  • Moving from Fear to Freedom:  A Woman's Guide to Peace in Every Situation by Grace Fox
  • Surviving the Storms of Life:  Finding Hope and Healing When Life Goes Wrong by H. Norman Wright, Matt Woodley & Julie Woodley
  • Putting Off Anger:  A Biblical Study of What Anger is and What to Do About It by John Coblentz
  • Safe People:  How to Find Relationships that Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Hurt People Hurt People:  Hope and Healing for Yourself and Your Relationships by Sandra D. Wilson Ph.D.
  • Fool-Proofing Your Life:  An Honorable Way to Deal with the Impossible People in Your Life by Jan Silvious
And no, you are not required to read them all.  There will not be a quiz.

After the storm, the clean up begins.  After the abuse, recovery begins.


  1. I was given a Lovely Blog Award and now I want to pass it along to you to encourage you in your journey! No strings attached. The award stands even if you don't fulfill the requirements. Only fulfill the award if you have time and are inspired. You can grab all the info here:

  2. I heard about you over at Self Binding Retrospect. I came by last night to check you out and spent a little time reading about you. I started here and moved backward. Then, I went all the way back to the beginning and moved forward. Then, I hopped around in the middle some. I didn't leave any comments. It is obvious that you have been deeply hurt. Deeply. It seems clear to me that it happened in the work place. The what and the how is irrelevant to the story.

    I know myself well enough to know that if there is something I can't wait to say, I probably should wait and consider it longer. If there is something that keeps nagging me. Something I don't really want to say, I probably should say it. It is just how God handles me at times.

    When it came to your story, I didn't know what to say. I could say I am sorry something so horrible has happened to you, but you have probably heard that before. I could send words of encouragement, but I am sure you are getting that from all who really know and love you. Instead, when I finally crawled into bed last night, I just prayed about you. I thought about you. I worried for you. You were heavy on my mind. Please, don't let this upset you. I didn't mind. It wasn't bothersome.

    Then it hit me.

    This is something that is truly foreign to me. The whole concept of work-place abuse is a concept I cannot grasp. I don't doubt it exists. I don't doubt you experienced it. My own Aunt experienced it. It sent her into early retirement. It was a dark place in her life. For ME personally - I can't grasp it.

    For one thing, the work-place if where adults gather to get a job done, right? The key word being adults. Adults do not have to like each other, but in the workplace there should be a level of professionalism. We don't have to like each other. We just have to exist together, for these specified hours, to accomplish this task.

    Second, I would not abuse a co-worker. Third, I would not allow a co-worker to abuse me. Most importantly - I would not allow a co-worker to abuse someone else!

    I'm from Texas. I am out-spoken. I can be very direct. I believe in God. Right, wrong, or indifferent, around here, I don't take kindly to someone bullying others. I don't care who they are, or what their story is. Unacceptable!

    So, in the face of a situation like that, I would have no problems stepping in the middle and saying, "Not happening! This is ridiculous. Who do you think you are? Go pick on someone your own size, and if you want to mess with Cassie, you are going to have to go through me to do it!"

    (Sorry. I may be a little confrontational that way.)

    The thoughts that haunted me last night - Why did no one step in? Where were the other co-workers? Were they suffering as well? Was there no one else? How could this happen in a work-place? This is not Junior High, People!

    I may be over-stepping my boundaries. If so, I apologize, but here I go anyway. You can count me as a friend, or a big sister, or a little sister, whatever it may be. I am someone who will stand up for you and say, "Enough! It stops here." Plus, I am also someone who will pick you up, dust you off, hand you a tissue, and buy you a cup of coffee so we can get to know each other better.

    People can only take from you what you allow.

    Go get back what was so rudely taken.

    Everything bad that happens in our lives holds some good. It is our job to find it, and I believe in a God that can make that happen. I speak from experience.

    The best revenge is a happy, fulfilling life!

    I may be down here. Way down here, but I've got your back. I'll go into battle with you. Sometimes in life, we just have to put our "big girl panties" on and get to it. It is hard and it stinks, but it is much nicer when you have friends that will put on their "big girl panties" and go with you. You have one. Right here.

    1. Hi! I've just restarted my blog and wanted to let you know that I'm back - not sure for how long. I was rereading this comment and felt that it would make an excellent blog posting. May I copy it verbatim and use it for a blog posting cross referencing you, of course? I would surely appreciate it.

  3. Just checking in on you. Hoping you are doing well. I see your reading list is long. Hope you are making your way through it. I also hope you are warm. Really warm. Spring is coming. I'm not sure when, but it will.

    Again, just wanted to say Hi!

    1. Thank you for checking up on me. Yes, I've been silent for a while now but am seriously thinking of how I want to restart. Much has happened in the last six months in this journey toward recovery. My pre-workpace abuse personality is coming back. I appreciate your posts.