Thursday, June 5, 2014
Post Workplace Abuse: A slice of life on the road to recovery
It didn't happen.
I had wanted to write five or six posts in advance to take the pressure off.
It didn't happen.
A good question: why? A question to which there are at the same time many answers and yet no answers.
My life is an on-going journey. Like quicksand it comes and goes. Slipping through my fingers like sands on the beach.
Lately, I've been stuck in what I call the "land of lethargy". A place where interest fades and initiative lies dormant. Ditto creativity.
A land where nothing holds interest. A land where sometimes even watching a 45 minute show on DVD proves challenging.
A land where books are unread, where projects lie unfinished, where pictures are not taken, where blog postings and emails are not written, phone calls not made, intentions not followed up on. A land of blah, blah and more blah.
At the same time, it is a land where there are victories. Maybe small ones in the scheme of things. Maybe things most people would not consider a victory, never having walked this particular path, but victories on the road to recovery all the same.
For me, a victory is being able to cook a meal for hubby and myself on a daily basis. To have that energy, that ability to plan even a simple meal is an amazing victory. For me. And for those who know me - and love me anyway.
To take interest in the garden. To be able to plant new plants - even if it takes me nine days from purchase to final planting - is a victory. Weeding - also a victory. Finishing knit and crocheted projects - also a victory. At one time, I had six on the go at the same time. Why? For two I have been lacking the cognitive skills to interpret the patterns even though I've done those patterns before. For the others, I lacked the interest. Knitting and crocheting became chores.
It became a chore as well. Something I felt I HAD to do rather than a source of creativity.
If I feel I HAVE to do something ... well ... it gets shelved.
Ahhh, procrastination. How I love you! And how I have mastered your fine art!
I got side-tracked originally because I was trying to lay the foundation of what bullying is from a research perspective.
Yet, while I do use research to understand, to grow and to heal, my life is largely a series of daily challenges and incidences. Victories and, yes, failures.
It is these I want to share with you, dear reader, along with the research. Along with the foundation. Interwoven in the threads of this blog.
Just as I am in the process of becoming whole and healthy, so is my blog in the process of becoming.
I ask you to bear with me and join me in the journey of walking through towards recovery from trauma, from PTSD, from workplace abuse.