Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Today on the Journey of Recovery from workplace abuse.

Stratford Ontario - behind the main drag

Today is what I call my "Stratford day".  My counselling day.

The main constant throughout this journey has been my counsellor who has stuck with me through thick and thin.  Who has affirmed me.  Who has constantly believed in me.  That. I. Can. Do. This.  I can recover.  I can become whole.  In time.  It is possible.  No!  It is probable.

I was originally told this woman was amazing.  I was sceptical, very sceptical when I heard that.  After all, I was looking for a new counsellor because my old one had turned abusive and I was leaving her office distraught, crying, suicidal.  Besides that, amazing was not a word I would connect with a therapist.  But what the hay! I decided to try her.  Simply because my son-in-law recommended her.

I learned.  She is amazing.  She is getting the results my former therapist wanted but was unable to get with her methodology.  My current therapist has simply provided a safe place for me to be me.  To express my opinions and feelings without fear of repercussions.

My biggest concern going into this counselling relationship (besides a very real fear that I was beyond redemption based on my former counselling relationship) was her office location.  It was housed in a very small town, Milverton, Ontariohttp://derangedmindtalk.blogspot.ca/2012/02/beautiful-downtown-milverton.html which necessitated a 45 minute drive through the countryside.  I hated driving.  Scratch that.  I was extremely afraid of driving.  Ok, I could do well in the city itself, but it was intracity driving that terrified me.  However, I committed myself.  By doing so, I gradually conquered that fear and learned to enjoy the ride.

Several years ago, my counsellor changed her office location to Stratford Ontario - another 45 km away.  Just in a different direction.

Stratford, Ontario:
Today is part of my continuing journey through the devastation workplace abuse left in my life.  Devastation that is slowly being cleared away.  Piece by piece.

Yet, the journey has not been all "sackcloth and ashes".  There have been times of victory.

My continuing journey, lengthy though it has been, has also become a celebration of courage and strength to keep going when every fibre of my being wanted to lie down and sleep for a very long time.  To give up and give in to all the constant negative feedback I received in the workplace.

I never gave up.  Partially because of an inner strength which I never knew I had.  Partially because of my counsellor who never failed to remind me of that core of inner strength and affirm her belief in me.

At the beginning of 2014, another victory on the road to recovery occurred when we stepped down the frequency from sessions once every two weeks to once every four weeks as that inner strength kicked in and I started to be able to hold my own between sessions.

I can see the faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel these days.  The day when I will be able to hold my own.

For now, though, I have to go.  Stratford awaits me.

See you tomorrow....

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