|Another routine disruption accidentally led to an early morning walk along the river.|
Today, I would really prefer to be anything by blogging. My routine has been disrupted for several days, which doesn't allow me the structure I need on this road to recovery.
Now don't get me wrong. Having my routine disrupted isn't really a bad thing. Or entirely a bad thing, as it takes me out of my "comfort zone" in small bites thus allowing me to get insight and glimpses into how I am progressing on the road to recovery. But, it does make getting back into my normal routine a bit harder.
Right now, every fibre of my being is crying out for DVD therapy, rather than blog i.e. processing therapy.
I don't want to think right now. I don't want to try to form thoughts into words and words into sentences that make sense.
I just want to veg.
Going back into the theme of routine disruptions, take Monday for example. I had something on hold at the library to pick up - which is very much in my comfort zone - as well as a part to repair our vacuum to pick up at a mall on the other side of town - which is no longer in my comfort zone.
I designed a plan. I would take the bus to the library, pick up the item being held, then take the Express bus across town to the mall, pick up the part and then retrace my steps, thus combining the familiar with the unfamiliar. It seemed like a plan. A good one ...
Until hubby was having breaky and we realized that a lot of the items he puts in his lunch were down to zero. I ended up getting very creative in putting things - and yes, they were edible - into his lunchbox which in itself is a disruption to our normal routine as he usually fixes his own lunch. At that point, I realized that I needed to try to figure out a way to include a wee bit of grocery shopping - without a vehicle to load them into and without a grocery store being on my direct route.
What else does a mother do when she has a quandary like that?
She texts her adult daughter and asks for help.
Adult daughter replies that she has to go grocery shopping herself, so we can do it together.
Hey! I've just got a new plan in the formation. One that has real possibilities of working.
When daughter picks me up, she asks where I want to go. I wanted to go to the store I normally do my shopping at because I am familiar with it. It's in my comfort zone. However, she needed to pick up some non-grocery items and had a time limit.
We chose to go to a WalMart which if half grocery items and half the other kind of stuff. It was definitely not in my comfort zone, but it was logical. So that is what we did. (I am nothing if not logical.)
I don't know if I've mentioned it or not in this blog, but I have been having trouble focussing clearly with my eyes since around the time I had the stress breakdowns at work. I've seen the optometrist several times and my vision has not changed. She has suggested that stress can cause visual problems and also that I had the beginnings of cataracts. So which is it? Cataracts or stress? Either way, it drives me nuts when I'm in an unfamiliar place looking for items such as was the case on Monday. I felt like I was in a fog mentally and also in a fog visually.
It was fun though, as WalMart has different brands than I usually buy and I had fun picking out different cat food for one very persnickety cat.
After shopping and making a detour by my place to drop off my groceries and her place to do the same, she deposited me at the library and went on her way. So, my original plan A went back into effect. And it worked. It worked well, I'm happy to say.
Am I stronger for the experience? I don't know. It's too soon to tell as frankly I'm tired and feel worn out.
Yet, there's a part of me that wants to do a thumbs up victory sign like I did when I successfully confronted my "favorite" nemesis - the Observation Tower in Parry Sound, Ontario - and won!
So today, even though I'm tired, even though my mind feels like it's filled with cotton batting rather than brains and really doesn't want to function, I still feel that I'm on the winning side. Recovery, mostly unnoticed, is happening.
Until tomorrow ....